who am i kidding

on the day 7,

i did something out of my plan,

guess the rule just changed...

surprisingly,

i made myself consistent in doing workout

for like,

over a half year...

but i cant consistent on doing revisions, studies..

which is the most important job for our lives now...

i barely made it out from the 2nd semester,

picking such major i don even like..

talking in the 'language' that i genuinely not fully understand myself saying

this is day 10,

i am having a class test on friday

and im still not preparing for it

FML? lol

so, TY was asking me to update this blog,

i answered, my schedule was kinda tied up this week..

actually just this week i have an extra test in schedule,

i made it sound hard..

coz i still haven't catch up to all my work

even though its week 5 ALREADY.....

nice~

btw,

i don usually say that the schedule tie up

coz my weeks never tie up before,

u can notice that,

im always 1 call away,

i always accept the offer of outings and activities

except exam week...

i always believe that,

WE are the one who control our schedule and time management,

not the other way around...

We always given a choice,

a decision...

so whenever i got a invitation,

i always clear the schedule,

spend time with my dear friends,

and put extra time on the work i suppose to do on that time range...

i wanna admit that,

my personality, style, common knowledge, experiences

haven't get a significant change ever since end of pre-U

it sucks,

when u get to see everyone around u,

is getting mature everyday..

but u are still in the same state..

even though its feels like time to make a change,

but it seem like, i lost the interest..

interest of picking up girls

having that love and caring feels

(my parents should be happy to hear this,

my son doesnt like dating anymore!!

like a dream come true)

thats all for now

going to start reading,

see how it goes...

oh btw,

i went for haircut 2 days ago
the haircut kinda made me looks more tanned... lol

pretty lame...

watever~

another fun night

not gonna say a lot,

im tired~

thank god its friday, day 5

we, ty ks and i

went to curve for the rest of evening..

 

1st, it was 5pm movie

we watched Just Another Pandora's Box

it was ridiculously terrible horrible!

don watch, please don watch it..

lol

then, we had our dinner at a-a.....

some american style pizza restaurant...

it was ok... nothing much..

at the time, 

ty was concerned about some.. stuff..

ks was got persuaded to follow us back to my place

have more drinks.. but got caught by mom,

and finally 'ting mama de hua'

so, got to go home after that... too bad~

oh btw,

if u drank.. i suppose.. 3~5cans once a week..

actually its not 'a lot' as pronounce..

but if u do that under ur parents watch

most of the time,

for their perception,

"u drank too many"

so they will try to restrict u next time u do it again...

restricting more n more again...

so, i'll not show how much i drank

like keeping my image... XD

anyway,

we went to The Library, around 9pm+

again for me...

 

the price was omg,

but it always something happening there...

its fun to watch.. XD

u can watch ppl lying on the street,

got high dancing suddenly..

we, 3guys

got there start drinking beer..

some nachos..

and the 2 start talking about dota bible

i was like O_O

lol

then playing cards...

 

Rebecca, ty's friend came to join us..

around 11pm+ 

 

then we start playing some drinking games..

it get crazier n crazier...

 XD

 i was gonna show a picture of how big laugh ks had

but.. it turns out, it was ugly, lets be honest.. haha

i was going O_O "weeeeeeee" "yeahhhh"

lol.. it was fun~

partly was got to know someone so much fun...

we go home around 3am..

i fetched ks home, using ty's car.. he was kinda scared, i think. lol

coz it manual + non-power steering + he look at me like i was drunk

(although i was 50% fulled)

after that, i drive back to sunway to pick up my car,

wow.. there are A LOT of africans at medan at night..

i didnt expect that.. wow..

anyway, so ty was staying a night at my place..

before we sleep, i opened a bottle of wine..

it was a cheap no-quality wine..

nvm.. only the alc % counts...

went in bed.. we are still talking..

wow.. i can feel that.. he drank lot more than me..

he keep talking n talking.. XD

actually i don remember much of it.. XD

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Day 4,

i dono about the others, 

but i usually cant sleep right away after i jump into bed.

others like get into bed and the next second will be like 'zzzzz'

its amazing!!!

anyway, i usually think stuff while im in bed.. stuff like..

past present future..

no planning, juz think~

and yesterday night, i was thinking,

i have 3 categories of friends in my friend list.

its not much vary among people...

friends

close friends

best friends

and since my social group is extremely small.. 

i can almost name them all in categories...

lol

there are friends, like met not for long

can talk.. chat

can joke... 

some outings..

nothing beyond than that..

usually related more in studies..

there are close friends, who can do more stuff together..

activities like, outings.. trip.. 

can talk more about relationships.. experiences..

things you know lah.. you have bunch of it..

and then there are best friends, who can do everything above

you trusted them, you talk to them about your feelings

you shared.. 

you might back them up when they caught in fights..

(even though you might get beat up good,

but you still do it, coz you know you want to)

for me, i have a few (<5) mayb.. of best friends..

but they are scattered around the globe, 

its pretty hard to get in touch..

sometimes you might turn your feelings-talk to your close friends

bcoz its more convenient

but, that is where the problem starts..

they moght not react like you hope they do; 

like your best friends will give you appropriate, suitable, comforting advices..

so, in the end.. 

you will regret that told anyone about it.. 

better to let in kept to yourself or

let the '-1 close friend' feeling get to u...

so there are past event, present action and future obligation...

ps: this is just a HYPOTHETICAL thought in my head..

nothing to do with me.. LOL =3

40days plan

i've got myself a 40days plan..
its been so long i've work on the-thing
that it frozen me
i hope i can once again care and feel about those minor things
so the plan is, isolation 40days from it

so this is day 1,
its my week4 of 3rd semester
worked on 2 subjects, so far so good
abandoned 1 subject, wanted to go for it
but it seem like 'something' still bothering me
another subject still in silence mode, its ok

supposely, today gonna meet up with a friend back from india, again
but it was given such short notice.
like 12pm only i received the message
and i have to make a choice between,
give up 2 friends and drive in peak hours
(btw, i have to give transportation to my mother before it all...
which i drove almost 1.5hours out of 3hours)
= =
in the end i decided not to do the meeting with friends
but it looks like the plan canceled BECAUSE of me
it sucks
im not gonna take the fault
im not the only 1 can drive among the group
they still can go on with the plan without me

someone told me before,
i have to stop being pushover
stop being someone's 'ahmad'
stop being 'I'll-be-there-whenever-u-call-me'
have to learn to say 'no'
"TAK NAK"
lol

so that is all,
i will try to flip open the 1st page,
start reading...

ps: will be without internet connection for the rest of the week,
modem and router are fried after yesterday lightning storm
i'll miss u, internet~

from now on...

from now on, 

if there is no picture for the blog, 

im not gonna post anything... 

so i could say the post entry will be less n less.. gg

i wanted to blog about the perth trip in CNY
but there are bunch of photos,
so i think, until i sort it out..not gonna post anything...

lets talk bout today,
i don hv cellphone today.. T_T
it was like i've been cut out from the world.. lol
i left it on another car the day before, n forgot to carry with me when i exit the car
too bad..

i wanna say... unfortunately, friends got contact with me on msn
got to go out meet them..
originally, i was gonna do those exercises as scheduled.. aiks
but the meeting was pretty nice too
got to c a friend back from india..
she studying medicine overhoard
got to c corpse all the time, quite nice... in a weird way...

we went to singK at ampsquare, sunway pyramid.
and had dinner there.
then we ended the day with yum cha at mamak nearby
(chui sui a lot too)

btw, i just notice that...
for me, every time yum cha more that 1.5hours
i start talkin nonsense and sometime crossing the line
(like drunk.. = = )
so....., sorry to some1 i offended in the past...
its not my mind speaking... lol


went back home around 12am...
OH!! my blazer was collected from store.. tried it on..
LOL

nice heh???? LOL
I KNOW!!
kk...
btw, this is for the coming up sis's wedding dinner in late May..
until nx time, tataz~

ps: added a photo for my last 'saturday night fun' blog post.

my version of blogging

i don usually talk much about my feeling in this blogging stuff

i used to.. 

but that was bcoz of there's nothing major happening in my life

and i don usually update blog often nowadays

i notice that i only update when i have full cup of feeling/tension

but nowhere to release

somehow, this blogging stuff calms me

i blog about past events, then the crazy feeling of other matter goes away.

today, now, i'll talk about present.

will u ever feel being left out?

do u ever have to find your way into your own family's conversation?

will u ever feel they not looking at u when u speak?

do u ever feel like preparing to a fight, every time going to dinner?

do they ever make u feel so bad about yourself, that it feels like getting heart attack every single time?

do u had some really troublesome, unsolvable problem event happened in your life,

and hoping to tell someone in your family,

because they should be someone u can trust,

but u know u can't do it,

cause u know they will never think straight?

there are so many things can happen in your life

so its not wrong to, sometime have a emo reaction all around your face.

to make yourself feel better,

u might have to compromise something u used to do.

to not picking up a fight,

i rather talk less and have dinner with myself.

to reduce the stress time in your 'supposed sanctuary',

i rather spend more time away from it.

to cut out from the noise interference,

i locked myself in the room.

changing the people mind/viewpoint might not be the right way anymore,

because they spent too much time alive,

they thought what they think is always correct.

the simplest way is to modify yourself.

drinking, might not be the appropriate solution,

but it is the fastest, easiest way

and it could be the right way if it is the only way.

 ps: sorry about the emo blog and my weird sense.